B3TA.com is a great website. It had the (I think) classic postings for the topic "Dad Jokes"; jokes or sayings your Dad liked to make. It recently had one which was "First Love". Here is one: hang on a minute
My first girlfriend was called Susan. I met her in the playground near where I lived, I was about seven years old and was fascinated by some magazines she had tucked inside her coat which had pictures of people having sex – we both found these hilarious and sat in the woods behind the park giggling at them for ages.
She was very tall and had a deep voice, to be honest not very attractive and frankly her coat smelt a bit funny. But at least she introduced me to the world of sex at a young age.
Sex wasn’t quite what I was expecting, it was rather a one-way process and I found it a bit uncomfortable to say the least.
To be perfectly honest, upon reflection I am beginning to call into question my interpretation of the entire event.
, Mon 24 Oct 2005, 16:27 )
Some entries for the Dad joke QOTW: oh just remembered....
sorry yes my old papa does have a crappy joke. ive suffered 20years of this.....
Me, my brother or sister: "Dad where's Mum".
Dad: "run off with a black man".
jesus pissing christ this is so not funny.
, Thu 11 Dec 2003, 16:59 )
And... kill me now
My Dad is a veritable fountain of crap jokes, crap sayings and crap poems. He's also faintly racist in that naive kind of way that only the post WW2 generation can be.
Some examples -
1.Upon hearing someone in a bar/restaurant dropping glasses or crockery -
"Sack the juggler!"
2. If someone in the room coughs -
"It's not the cough that carries you off
it's the coffin they carry you off in".
3. If out on a drive and he sees a hill (very frequent this one, he lives in Scotland) -
"On yonder hill there stood a coo,
it moved awa' it's no there noo".
4. If one is ever stupid enough, on getting past him in the hallway for instance, to utter the polite request "excuse me please" -
He will promptly lock you in a bear hug shouting "I thought you said SQUEEZE ME".
5. Upon sighting anyone of dark skinned ethnic origin -"Oooh, somebody's overdone it on the sun bed".
6.Anywhere with stuffed and mounted animal heads (lots of hotels in Scotland with deer heads above the fireplace) -
"It must have been going a helluva lick when it hit that wall!".
I love him but he's a pain in the arse.
I've been a father myself for over 18 years now, I've done my utmost not to turn into him. But - can I walk past a fishtank in a restaurant without pointing at the biggest and saying "I'll have that one"?
Can I like fu ck.
(The Pink Strat Copy
, Thu 11 Dec 2003, 10:21 )